Raising Your Kids Bilingually

In my opinion, one of the most beautiful gifts with which you can grow up is being raised bilingually, whether it be having parents who have two separate mother tongues, or parents who share the same mother tongue. In my case, I grew up with Colombian parents who started speaking to me in Spanish since the day in which I was born. Many of my friends have been surprised to find out that I did not start learning English until I was three years old, mostly by watching television shows, and by having American friends in pre-school.

My parents played music, bought me books, and read to me in Spanish. They taught me the most important Christian prayers, introduced us to our family members at a young age, watched movies, and watched television series in Spanish. All of these simple activities are activities that you do in your everyday life, which shows how easy it is to raise your children bilingually, especially in the United States, where you have access to many books, music, television series, movies, and other items in other languages. Due to globalization, you can buy almost anything in another language if you feel that you do not have enough resources, or toys for your children in your mother tongue right around the corner.

Most importantly, my parents were never ashamed of being immigrants, of being Colombians in the United States, or of speaking Spanish to their children. It was a normal everyday occurrence for me that I will forever treasure, especially now that I have many friends who did not have this opportunity growing up. Having connections to my family, and communicating with my parents in Spanish gave me strong enough reasons to never resent this ability, and made my overall learning experience more special, and meaningful. I associate Spanish with my family, and with many of my bilingual friends growing up. It has also helped me set myself apart from many of my classmates, and has strengthened many of my friendships with other Hispanics who shared similar experiences growing up.

Although I do not have experience as a parent, I wanted to share my personal experiences of how my parents raised my sister and I, as well as share some reasons why I believe that it is a shame that some bilingual parents do not raise their children bilingually. Below, I will give you simple solutions to solving some of the most common problems that I have noticed many bilingual parents make with my friends, or acquaintances. In many cases, it is resentment, or conforming to societal norms that shies many parents away from doing this, but may also result from the popular belief that raising your children bilingually will end up causing more harm than good, primarily because it “confuses your children”, and “slows their progress in the language of the country in which they live.”

There is no doubt that some of these myths are true on a case by case basis; however, I believe that if you start to speak your mother tongue to your children from the very beginning, you will end up with very satisfying results: children who can comfortably switch from one language to another. You should only speak to them in your mother tongue, and avoid using the language of the country in which you live as much as possible, so that your children do not think that they can, or should respond to you in that language. For example, my parents never spoke to me in English, and have only started to say certain words in English until recently (since they have lived in this country for over two decades). This never gave me the assumption that they spoke English well, or that they should simply use English instead of Spanish when speaking with them.

I will give you a short list of some of the most common mistakes, and how you can fix them:

1. Giving Up Speaking Your Mother Tongue to Your Children After Several Years

There have been many people that I have met throughout my life who have told my family that they spoke their mother tongue to their children until, let’s say age three, and then decided to only speak to them in English. One of the most common reasons is, because their children would often respond to them in English, which made the parents feel offended, or frustrated. In this particular case, what ends up often happening, is that the parents give up, and start incorporating more English, and less of their mother tongue as the years pass by. Although it can be a lot of work at times, I encourage you to find friends, or talk to people who have successfully raised their children bilingually, or who are trying to do so. In this respect, you will have emotional and moral support, and can get tips from parents who have already experienced what it is like to raise children bilingually, and can learn more about the benefits that it can give your children.

2. Not Speaking to Your Children in your Mother Tongue Because It Will Confuse Them

Despite the fact that some research has shown that this is sometimes the case, one of the easiest ways to avoid this from happening is by only speaking to your children in your mother tongue from the start. For example, if your children speak English in school, and with their friends, but speak Spanish with their parents, they will eventually separate the two languages, because different parts of their brains will associate specific sounds, and words for each language. If you find that your children are having a hard time distinguishing the two, and mixing them up, you can put them in language classes (ex: Chinese School, or take them to French lessons at a nearby institution for children).

If you are lucky enough to live in an area that has bilingual schools, then that is an even better option, and will allow your children to have a complete immersive experience in both languages. In my case, I went to a bilingual elementary school for Spanish and English, and had all of my subjects in both languages. This allowed me to have a strong foundation in reading, writing, speaking, understanding, vocabulary, and grammar in both (feel free to read my blog post titled "5 Benefits of Bilingualism: Why You Should Be Bilingual" if you want to read more). You can also have playgroups if you are lucky to have friends who also speak your mother tongue. Playgroups are groups with parents who have children who speak the same language. I went to playgroups for Spanish when I was little, and was able to speak to my friends in Spanish in a fun environment: through play, which did not feel like work to me.

3. “My Partner Does Not Speak my Mother Tongue, so I will not speak it to my Children”

This point is very complex, and a bit trickier than the first two, but there are still ways to successfully get around it. For example, if you have a dad who is a native French speaker, and a mom who is a native Spanish speaker, the most ideal situation is that the child is spoken to in both French and in Spanish. How you would best go about this situation is by having your children speak to their dad in French, and to their mom in Spanish. If the children speak to both parents at the same time, you can compromise in several ways. 

If you live in the United States, where English is spoken, you can have your children speak to you in English, or you can choose either one of your mother tongues. This situation may sound confusing, and you may think that it could confuse your children by having them speak three languages at once, but many parents have done so with little to no problems. I had a friend growing up who spoke French to her dad, Spanish to her mom, and English with everyone else, and is considered trilingual. This would give your children an even bigger advantage in life.

    4. Wanting to Conform to Societal Norms and Speaking Your Country’s Language

It can be very tempting to not want to speak to your children in your mother tongue, especially if you are a first or a second generation individual, or if you are mostly surrounded by families who only speak the language of the country in which you live. You may be afraid that you are not going to fit in, that you are going to be looked down upon, or that you will have a harder taking making friends if you spend most of your time speaking your mother tongue instead of the other language. Believe me, it is hard, and there are many excuses that could discourage you from doing so. However, you should try to resist any temptations, even if you are the only family in your neighborhood who speaks your mother tongue. 

If you are afraid of being discriminated against, you can decide to switch to another language in uncomfortable situations, but retain speaking to your children in your mother tongue elsewhere, especially at home. You can also gain support from your family, friends, or neighbors who have a love for, or who speak that common language. The gift that your children would receive would be much more rewarding than throwing it down the drain simply because you, as a parent, were too afraid of doing so.

5. “I am not a native speaker of [language], so I cannot speak to my children in [language]”

This point is interesting to bring up, because it is oftentimes not mentioned. There is a common belief that you can only raise your children bilingually if you, and or if you, and your partner speak a common language as a native speaker. If you classify yourself as a bilingual speaker, or as someone who speaks more than one language fluently (most likely the national language(s) of the country in which you live), you are just as qualified as, or more qualified than native speakers of a language. 

Oftentimes, individuals who group themselves into either of these categories have lived in countries where their languages are spoken, have studied abroad, or have done intense language study. If this is the case, then you can speak to your children in the language in which you are fluent, and continue improving in it. Even if you do not know as many words, or idiomatic expressions as a native speaker, you are still capable of easily expressing yourself in another language, and can elaborately express yourself in it. Raising your children bilingually would allow them to develop a passion for language learning early on, because they would find out that their parent(s) decided to dedicate a lot of time into becoming fluent in another language, or becoming a bilingual individual.

Whether you are a current parent, a future parent, a bilingual speaker, or a speaker who speaks more than one language fluently, you have all of the resources, and all of the knowledge that you need in order to raise your children bilingually. As I mentioned above, you do not have to be a native speaker of more than one language in order to do so. If you take away one point from this blog post, it will be that it is important to think twice about why you are considering never teaching your children your mother tongue, (or another language), or stopping yourself from doing so after a while.