Life Update & Bilingual Poem: "I Am American/ Soy colombiana"

Hello, everyone! It has been a long time since I have posted on here, so I thought that I would take a moment to briefly explain what has been going on in my life these past few months. 

                           

As many of you already know from reading my previous posts, I had to take a medical leave of absence after completing 3/5 months of my semester abroad in Yaoundé, Cameroon. Since then, I have been recovering by going to my neurologist and by getting intensive chiropractic treatment. Today is the big day, as I will be getting LASIK eye surgery to be glasses-free for many years to come. My main hope is that this surgery and my chiropractic treatment will significantly reduce my migraines, so that I can write more blog content for the remainder of this summer. 

Aside from that, I recently created a foodie and travel blog: www.theglobaltummy.com, which will be my main blogging platform on Squarespace, offering me endless opportunities to share my content on all of my @theglobaltummy social media platforms and to showcase what I have to offer as an aspiring food and travel writer. All of my posts will be bilingual in English and in Spanish, French, German, and Italian, so I thought that all of you would be interested in checking it out. Feel free to "subscribe" to my blog to be notified when I upload new posts and to share this post and blog with others to spread the word about it. All you have to do is type in your email to subscribe to it. It's as easy as that! 

Link to my 1st blog post titled When My Love For Food Began: https://www.theglobaltummy.com/…/when-my-love-for-food-began 

Link to my 2nd blog post titled Getting Lost Abroad// Perdersi All'Estero: https://www.theglobaltummy.com/blog-posts/2018/5/23/getting-lost-abroad-en-it 

Lastly, before getting into this week's post, I wanted to let you know that after a lot of thought and talks with my mom, she encouraged me to continue to post on this platform. It has almost been 2.5 years since I created this blog. After being in a rut for so long, I am finally starting to gain some momentum and have come up with some creative and fun content for all of you. What should you expect on here for the rest of 2018? You should expect less "how to" posts and more posts about real experiences I have had with languages and not so much on language learning itself. I may post bilingual poems I have written, or even thoughts I have about my travels and experiences abroad in several languages. As always, feel free to write a comment on this post of anything you would like me to write about, so I can keep that in mind.

For this week, I wanted to share a poem I wrote a few months ago about my so-called "Colombian-American" identity. Am I Colombian? Am I American? Do I feel Colombian-American, none, or both? I bolded the parts written in Spanish for easy reference. Since I am currently in Barranquilla and will be operated later today, I wanted to post something, as I am unsure as to how long my recovery period will be. Qué lo disfruten!

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I am American; soy colombiana. 
I have two identities and cultures that seem so different,

But yet are similar in many ways. 

I grew up bilingually,

embracing what it is like to be fluent and functioning in Spanish and in English,
which was a gift that my parents gave me since before I was born.

You cannot tear me apart and you cannot bring me down,
because I belong to both and yet I belong to none. 

As I sit here and reflect about this,
I wonder what I should respond when people ask me:
"Do you think and dream more in Spanish, or in English?",
"Who are you?",
"Do you prefer one culture over the other?", and
"Which culture do you most identify with?"

These are all good questions that do not have simple answers.
Since I was raised and born in the United States,

English is usually the language that comes out,
but even so, it is not the most natural.
In fact, Spanish is.

Spanish is the first language that I heard being spoken to me as an infant
And I have Colombian family around the world.

The first thing that I do when I wake up is turn around and

remind myself that my parents are nowhere near me,
but when I am with them, I ask: "Buenos días. Durmieron bien?". 

When I am about to fall asleep,
I stop what I am doing
and go into my parents' room to give them a big hug and a goodnight kiss on the cheek.
When I am home, I say: "Buenas noches. Espero que duerman bien."

English and being American may be the easy answer to these questions,
but it is not fully accurate either.
English is the language that belongs to my American environment,
but Spanish is the language of my heart and soul.

Es el idioma que prefiero hablar
cuando quiero hablar sobre mis pensamientos y mis sentimientos
de lo que experimento en el diario vivir.

Soy americana, pero también soy colombiana. 
Soy de aquí, pero también soy de allá.
Pertenezco a esta comunidad, pero también pertenezco a Colombia.
Nadie me cuestiona cuando digo que soy americana;
Lo mismo me sucede cuando digo que soy colombiana.

But at the end of the day,
no one can take that away from me.
I have a rich cultural and linguistic heritage
and I will always spread my wings faster,
so that I can fly even higher.

Study-Abroad #3: Week 11 Update in Cameroon- French Language Immersion

Hello, everyone and welcome back to my blog! I wanted to start off by apologizing for not posting on here for almost a month, but am happy to finally post an update about what I have been up to for the past three weeks.

 (Posing in front of this surreal view in Ebolowa, southern Cameroon).

Unlike my first three study-abroad posts, this one is going to be a little more vulnerable and transparent, as I have been feeling very ill ever since I last posted my two-month update of my semester abroad here in Yaoundé, Cameroon. Though I have experienced a lot of personal growth during my semester here in Cameroon, my health has slowly declined. I have had severe stagnant and static migraines for several weeks and have felt out of sorts for almost a full month. Unfortunately, my constant migraines and headaches have led to dizziness, nausea, and insomnia, all of which have affected my mood, overall well-being, and energy levels.

Because of this, my dad and I decided to reach out to my neurologist back at home by describing all of my recent symptoms a few weeks ago. Before coming to Cameroon, we set up an appointment with her, as my headaches and migraines had gotten significantly worse, so that we could try to take the necessary precautions to try to make my stay as enjoyable as possible. She very kindly responded to our emails and gave me a “last option” for treatment, which essentially consisted of a 24-hour lockdown in darkness and intensive treatment. Unfortunately, this did not work. Come to think of it, it would have been very difficult to wrap my mind around the fact that my migraines could become even worse while abroad, but that is exactly what happened.

After trying everything possible to stabilize my situation, I am afraid that my body can no longer withstand the heat and the humidity in this tropical country. Many prayers and tears later, it is with great sadness that I will be taking a medical leave of absence during the rest of the spring 2018 semester. Our program does not end until late June, so I thought that it would be best to finish up 2 of my courses online and to rest. My hope is to recover back home in Pittsburgh where I will be in a more favorable climate and familiar environment and will be closer to my neurologist, my parents, and my grandmother who lives with us. My parents agree in that my Cameroonian environment has likely worsened my migraines, so they were on board with my decision. If everything works out well, I will be flying out of Yaoundé this coming Thursday, April 19th and will arrive at home after a 28 hour journey.

I still remember being a young girl dreaming of studying in western Africa. All I could have ever hoped for were 5 months of being healthy and happy, but, eventually, my body took a toll on itself. Although I was not able to finish my semester abroad, I am proud to have been in Cameroon for almost 3 full months and will always hold Yaoundé and this beautiful country in a special place in my heart. I had a host family who has supported me in every decision I have made and who has pushed me out of my comfort zone more than I could have ever imagined. When I told my host mom, my host sisters, and my host brother that I have to leave their country, they cried at home, so I am beyond grateful for every moment of adventure I have had with them. They have already told me just how much my presence at will be dearly missed: my smile, my laugh, my good humor, and my contagious happiness.

Cameroon: I will miss the constant laughter, the slower space of life, Cameroonian and African music being played everywhere at all hours of the day, piment and the local cuisine (beignets, rice and beans, ndolé, and chicken in every form to name a few), the overall vibe of people here, and just how friendly everyone is. I have never seen more personal, physical, and emotional growth than in my time spent here. I have learned how to take bucket showers, how to ration water, how to prepare homemade meals that take an entire day to prepare, how to spend time without power, and even how to cook on a gas stove with my lovely Dickinson friends, but, most importantly, I have become a better and more humble version of the person I aspire to be.

Although it may not seem like it, studying abroad is not always daisies and roses. In fact, you will go through so many mixed emotions as the weeks go by, but all of this only makes you stronger. When others have asked me how I feel about leaving this country, I smile and tell them just how impactful this experience has been. I am stronger; I am bolder, and I much more aware of what life is like for so many in a continent that is so unknown in the US. 🌍.

There are no words to describe just how special this place is and how much it breaks my heart to leave it so soon, but as Cameroonians would say: "ça va aller" and "on est ensemble", which roughly translate to "it will be okay" and "I will see you soon." Though I am unsure about what the next months that lie ahead for me will look like, I pray for peace and for my body and health to be restored. 

As most of my loved ones have told me, it takes so much strength and courage to share this online and even more-so to put your health first, but here I am sharing this with the world in hopes to inspire others to not be ashamed of who they are and of what they experience, both good and bad. Aside from that, taking a leave of absence is one of the boldest decisions you can make as a college student if that is what comes down to it to be healthier and happier.

Thank you to every single person who reached out to me during this difficult time and who supported me in making this decision. Thank you to our incredible Teku’s Ten Buckets (our Dickinson in Cameroon Spring 2018 crew), to our incredible program director, Teku, and to Adolph who made my stay so enjoyable. Thank you to my host family who I will miss dearly and with whom I will always keep in touch, and to everyone who prayed for me throughout this crazy journey. I will always cry tears of joy and not of sadness as I leave a city and a country I have calmed my new home. À la prochaine, Yaoundé et le Cameroun.

(Pasta that my host sisters and I made).

(One of the most incredible meals of my life: Senegalese rice, beef, and vegetables).

(Listening to Malian music on TV).

(A delicious meal in Kribi: spiced chicken with onions, fish, rice, vegetables, and bread).

(A short video of what the beach that was next to our hotel in Kribi looks like).

(Being by the beach in Kribi was such a blessing).

(Senegalese beef with french fries, plantains, and peas).

(A snapchot of scenery on our car-ride to Ebolowa).

(A short video showing what parts of Ebolowa look like).

(Our cabin in Ebolowa).

(My friend Selena made a new friend!)

(Local wall art overlooking Ebolowa).

(A mysterious tree that has kept on growing for over 100 years).

(A couple sitting on a boat overlooking this view).

(Look at how beautiful this trees' reflections are).

(Chicken with onions, sweet plantains, rice, potatoes, and fish with a spicy sauce in Ebolowa).

(Selfie time!)

                                          (I was left speechless seeing this view).

(More nature photography).

(The path that eventually led to our hotel).

(Our new friend before leaving it).

(It looks like I blended into the scenery).

(Our incredible program director: Teku and worker Adolph and I).

(Selena and I behind this gorgeous view).

(The meal that awaited us at the apartment prepared by our Dickinson workers Becky and Solange: beans, white, a veggie sauce, french fries, chicken, and watermelon).

(One of the most surreal sunsets I have ever seen in Yaoundé).

(The best steak I have eaten all year with sweet baby plantains and a sweet mustard sauce).

(Most of our Dickinson group and my two host brothers: Jude and Ivan at our favorite chicken bar).

(Cheese pizza that I ate at "Le Barron" in our favorite "chic" neighborhood Bastos).

 (I may have teared up after eating this Poulet DG).

(Jude, Ivan, and I eating a well-known Cameroonian dish: le poulet DG).

(Most of my host brother's intergenerational family in one picture).

Study-Abroad #3: Two Month Update in Cameroon- French Language Immersion

Hello, everyone and welcome back to my blog ! Today is a very special day, as it marks exactly two months since my group landed in Cameroon. Just as I did after our one-month mark, I thought that it would make sense to do the same one month later, except this time around, I have written more about what I have experienced in the past few weeks in French. After writing my thoughts out in French, I decided to also translate them into English, so that all of my friends, family, and loyal subscribers can get a better sense as to what my Cameroonian life is like in one of my native languages, as well as in the main language that is used in my everyday life.

Français : Je voulais écrire tout ce à quoi je pense. Malheureusement je ne peux pas dire beaucoup de choses pour des raisons personnelles, toutefois, ça m’arrive souvent de devoir m’excuser pour toutes les fois que j’ai raté avec mes amis et avec ma famille d’accueil. Ce que j’essaie de préciser c’est que j’oublie des choses facilement, mais ce n’est pas ma faute. C’est juste ma personnalité. J’en ai beaucoup d’amis qui ont besoin de se concentrer et de préciser des choses plusieurs fois avant de les bien faire. C’est exactement la même chose avec mon sens de l’orientation. À ma consternation, ça fait la vie un peu plus compliquer, mais ce n’est pas grave. Même quand je suis chez moi avec mes parents, il faut les demander comment faire quelque chose plusieurs fois et quand je me rappelle de comment le faire, je ne le rate plus.

Comme la plupart d’entre vous le savent déjà, c’est ma troisième fois d’étudier à l’étranger : j’ai étudié en Provence en France pour 6 semaines l’été dernier ou j’ai réalisé mon rêve de rêver en français, en Italie le semestre dernier et maintenant au Cameroun. Ça veut dire que c’est déjà ma troisième fois d’habiter avec des familles d’accueil, donc ce n’est pas ma première fois d’avoir choisi ce parcours au lieu d’habiter dans un appartement. De plus, j’ai dû complètement changé mon style de vie avec chaque nouvelle famille, en particulier ici.

Presque tout que je dois faire chez nous est nouveau. Par exemple, je n’ai jamais dû m’habituer à n’avoir pas de l’eau très souvent, de faire les lessives à main (car on a des machines) et de prendre beaucoup de temps pour préparer des repas. En tout cas, ça ne veut pas dire que je n’ai pas hâte de mieux comprendre la société camerounaise et comment les choses se passent ici. Par contre, je suis venue ici parce que je savais que je devrais changer toutes mes habitudes. J’aime bien relever des défis et de comparer comment j’ai grandi, ce que je fais chez moi et ce qu’on fait dans d’autres sociétés. Depuis que je suis petite, j’ai été toujours obéissante, patiente et gentille avec tout le monde, en particulier avec mes parents que j’aime bien. Je suis calme et je passe beaucoup de mon temps libre à entendre des gens. Cela me rend très heureuse.

Ici au Cameroun, tout le monde est toujours prêt à t’aider et à t’expliquer quoi faire si on ne comprend pas comment faire quelque chose. Un de mes objectifs d’ici est de vivre en paix et de respecter les uns aux autres mutuellement. J’ai décidé d’habiter avec une famille francophone pour que je puisse continuer à utiliser la langue française dans ma vie quotidienne pour apprendre du langage lexical camerounais et des mots qui sont moins utilisés par les jeunes. Moi, je préfère d’aider les uns aux autres et de causer avec tous les membres de ma famille chaque fois que je suis libre. En fait, ça c’est ma partie préférée de la journée.

Malgré toutes ces choses positives, je dois admettre que mon pays d’origine et ma famille me manquent beaucoup. Quand on parle avec des gens de ses expériences et de ses études à l’étranger, on parle souvent du fait que généralement qu’on a plusieurs semaines où on est tellement content d’être dans un nouvel endroit, mais on finira par être triste, confus ou même préoccupé sur ce que l’avenir nous réserve. Concernant qui tu es et avec qui tu vis, il y a aucun doute qu’il y aura des moments où tes proches te manqueront pendant ton séjour à l’étranger.

English : I wanted to write about everything that I am thinking. Unfortunately, I cannot say many things for personal reasons ; however, I often have to apologize for all of the times that I have made a mistake with my friends and with my host family. What I hope to make clear is that I easily forget things, but that is not my fault. It is simply my personality. I have many friends who have to focus and to clarify what they have to do several times before they do them well. That is exactly what also happens with my sense of direction. To my dismay, that makes life a little complicated, but it is not the end of the world. Even when I am at home with my parents, I have to ask them how to do something several times and when I remember how to do it, I no longer make the same mistake.

As most of you already know, it is already my third time studying abroad : last summer I studied in Provence in France for 6 weeks where my dream of dreaming in French became a reality, last semester in Italy, and now in Cameroon. That means that it is already my third time living with host families, so it is not the first time that I decided  to take this path instead of living at an apartment. Moreover, I have had to completely change my lifestyle with every family, especially here.

Almost everything that I have to do at my host family’s place is new. For example, I have never had to get used to not often having water, to having to wash my clothes by hand (since we have machines) and to having to take a long time to prepare meals. In any case, that does not mean that I do not want to better understand Cameroonian society and how everything happens here. On the contrary, I came here because I wanted to have to change all of my habits. I love facing challenges and comparing how I grew up, what I do at home, and what people do in other societies. Ever since I was little, I have always been obedient, patient, and kind with everyone, especially with my parents who I love very much. I am calm and I spend a lot of time listening to people. That makes me very happy.

Here in Cameroon, everyone is always ready to help you and to explain what you should do if you do not understand how to do something. One of my goals during my stay here is to live in peace and to mutually respect everyone. I decided to live with a francophone host family, so that I can continue to use French in my everyday life to learn local Cameroonian language and some of the most common words used by young people. I prefer helping everyone and talking with my family members whenever I am free. In fact, that is my favorite part of the day.

Despite these highlights, I have to admit that I really miss the United States and my family. When you talk to people about their experiences and their studies abroad, you often talk about how you generally have several weeks where you are really happy about being in a different place, but you are eventually sad, confused or even worried about what the future holds. Depending on who you are and with whom you grow, there is no doubt that you will miss at least one loved one at some point during your time abroad.

By writing this post, my hope is not to make people worry about me, or to make them think that I am not doing well, but rather to be as honest and transparent as I can possibly be. It is inevitable that you will experience many cultural misunderstandings and language barriers if you choose to study in a society that varies so much from your own, but as many people say, that can only make you stronger. What I have most learned throughout my stay here so far is that you should make a sincere effort to understand what is being said to you, meanwhile, you also have to set boundaries and explain why your behavior is the way it is (i.e. factors influenced by your upbringing and your cultural background(s) ) in order to avoid verbal conflict as much as possible. Asking questions is seen as culturally appropriate here, but you are also expected to be quick and diligent in most of what you do, so for people like me who are forgetful, it can be very hard to come to terms with that.

Not everything in life will go as planned, nor will everything be simple to do and follow, but it is possible to share your feelings with others through writing. That is when you know that you are not alone! Today marks exactly 2 months since being in this country and 3 months before going back home, so I am almost at the halfway point to seeing my sister, my grandmother, and my parents after being away for 5-8 months, which is one step closer to reuniting with them. I hope that you all have a wonderful day !

(Standing outside of my host brother's brother's balcony at night).

(My heart almost melted when I got to see a baby chimpanzee at the zoo!)

(A shawarma wrap that my host brother, Jude, and I ate at "Chips and Chicken".)

(Looking at out into the city: Yaoundé).

(The best raspberry and dark chocolate ice cream I have had so far in Cameroon at "Le Barron" found in a neighborhood called Bastos.)